Loss and Love
Jacob Ham Jacob Ham

Loss and Love

I work with a group of advocates who champion the cause of encouraging adoption of transition age youth. They go around the city talking to youth about holding on to the hope for unconditional family love and commitment, and they recruit parents to fulfill those dreams.

They hurt today when one young man in the audience despaired, “fuck family!”

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Protecting Children's Worlds
Jacob Ham Jacob Ham

Protecting Children's Worlds

Today, a mother shared memories of being one of those little children who dallied walking to and fro from school, dreaming up fantastic elaborate worlds of little fairies hiding under blades of grass, building cities in piles of sidewalk snow. She was punished by her teachers for being so late, and now she worries that her own child will lose that precious imagination if labeled ADHD and medicated.

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On the Gift of Being a Therapist
Therapy Jacob Ham Therapy Jacob Ham

On the Gift of Being a Therapist

I spent the day at a conference with panels and panels of renowned experts examining the nature of psychotherapy. These people have devoted their careers to understanding the process through which psychotherapy works. Yet, the discussion was leaving me bored and uninspired. 

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Jacob Ham Jacob Ham

Dealing with Angry Ghosts in Psychotherapy

Though many therapists are trained to believe that they need to suppress or control feelings of anger, I think it is incredibly important to use them in therapy because they often reveal important patterns in the patient’s life--ghosts of relationships past. When these feelings go unexamined, they can harm the patient because they can slip out in hurtful ways. But, when examined, they can be some of the most healing moments in therapy.

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Therapy Jacob Ham Therapy Jacob Ham

What is the true nature of trauma work?

I think the most important skill--one which is very difficult to teach--is the ability, willingness, and courage to stand emotionally naked but steady in front of another human being and bear witness to that which is unbearable. To allow oneself to be fully moved by the devastating horror that trauma represents without being overwhelmed by it. 

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