Hi Dr. Ham,
I wanted to reach out as you were a large reason why I made the switch to the field of therapy. I was hoping to see whether you had any training opportunities as I embark on this new career path, or any advice.
I had been increasingly experiencing this inner psychic fragmentation due to the events going on in the world around me, the worldviews of my family vs. the professional circles I found myself in, my own unresolved trauma. Eventually I made my way to a workshop on trauma and healing, and was, by chance, chosen to undergo a Dick Schwartz demo of IFS (as a “client”). That session was very powerful for me. What I remember from the session is how I felt afterwards — a sense of mental acuity, and openheartedness, that I couldn’t remember feeling last. I felt as though I had had another sense awakened, through which I could perceive the states and defenses of others—their protectors and managers, in IFS terms, and hold them with such love and understanding.
Of course, the ‘blissful’ part of the post-demo state didn’t last. Walking around with a heart wide open meant that I was also much more sensitive to, and hurt by, the micro-aggressions and colonization that were also very much present at the retreat.
I don’t quite have the words for it, but it exposed me to something that felt ‘magical’ about the therapy process. I returned from this retreat without having made the leap to join the therapy field, because I hadn’t found myself in any of the approaches of the programs and practitioners that I had seen. That is, until I came across the podcast episode that featured you and Darrell Hammond, and shortly after that, “What My Bones Know.” I then looked up your page and resonated with the way you conduct therapy, and the way you think about trauma healing, as what I can only describe as a soul-based level. Realizing that there were people in the field who practice in a way that I would like to practice, I applied to a few programs and chose the one at XX, which brings me here.
I was wondering, Dr. Ham, whether there was any possibility that I would be able to train with you. If not, I’d be so grateful if you could recommend some other sites, or practitioners, who practice in a similar, relational way that is attuned to what is arising in the present moment. (And who are just as nerdy, artistic, experiential, and process-driven about the work as you seem to be. Or at least are willing to accept an intern like that.)
I’m at XX now, and finding what I’m learning here to be, frankly, quite rigid and manualized and not particularly useful. I was hoping for some guidance on where to look to really learn how to be a better therapist. Of course, I am still navigating my own journey of healing, and continue to do so in parallel with this new professional path.
Whatever wisdom you might be willing to share, I humbly solicit it.
Dear therapist in training,
Congratulations on experiencing such a magical moment of open-hearted awareness through that exercise with Dick Schwartz. That is exactly the kind of experience that I've had myself through various forms of healing and that I hope to achieve with my patients. You're right. It's very elusive and hard to maintain, but I've come to think that we’re not meant to remain open all the time. Rather, I think the opening and closing are meant to cycle and undulate like every other process in life, and maybe the goal of life is greater and greater suppleness and allowing, like an ease in returning to breath after exertion and effort.
As for community and training, it makes perfect sense that you'd be looking for others to help you get in touch with that awareness again. I wish I had an answer for you. I'm thinking of creating some community of like-minded learners in the near future. 2025 will be a time of change and transition for me so we'll see what new opportunities might arise. In the meantime, you might try to train with others focused on moment to moment process—maybe those training in couples, family, or group process. But, the awareness piece you might have to train through adjacent fields, such as mindfulness, circling, acting, mysticism, shamanism, somatic experiencing, holotropic breath work, and maybe even psychedelics (through legal means of course).
Oh, and, do please learn all the rigid, "manualized" ways you are learning right now. Think of them as foundational exercises to train your clinical muscles, like learning to dribble or swing a racquet. Every time you master one level of play, your awareness will move up to the next level. Eventually, you will master enough levels that your mind can float above the whole game. Time slows down, and you act without strain. Your heart will open up again and experience the world with less worry or fear. Or maybe you’ll better allow it to close when it needs and get good at opening up again.
Think of this heart opening that you experienced as your higher self calling to you to come find yourself again. You'll find her by climbing the ladder of whatever skills and practices begged to be learned in this moment. These skills and practices will help you build your higher self a home inside your heart—a home with a warm southern view, built on solid ground, and opened to the wonder of the night sky.