In my own work nowadays, I'm constantly aware of how much my heart aches with each person I see. Some might wonder whether that's a good thing, because it can feel so uncomfortable to feel so much so often. Even yesterday, my trainee bemoaned the fact that she became so upset about her own trauma history as it resonated with her client's. And, today, another trainee said that she was pulling back from opening her client up too fast because her client said she felt too tired and emotional after crying in prior sessions. 

In my own life, I'm practicing accepting that my heartache is just the appropriate reaction to working with so much heartache and that my capacity to hold my heart trembling keeps me more aware of what my patients are going through and communicating in each moment. It helps me to stay present and increases the chance that something helpful emerges from within me.

In contrast, my friend just met with her therapist and her psychiatrist and both of them gave lots of advice about what she should do to overcome her depression—the classic stuff like go exercise, be active, get out of the house, etc. It left my friend feeling disappointed with those sessions. Everyone knows that these are the things that need to be done, but the very nature of depression is low energy and amotivation. I think it would have been much better for them to make room for the enormous weight of sadness and despair my friend carried, to give her the chance to share the load, even for a brief moment, to recognize the courage and strength it takes to keep on going, and to maybe replenish that courage by uncovering what keeps her going, not what weighs her down. 

Reminds me of "Trouble Me" by 10,000 Maniacs:

Why let your shoulders bend
underneath this burden when
my back is sturdy and strong?

I'm not certain that my approach right now is the right way for everyone. But, I'm tired of seeing the toll on the heart when it is bound too tightly, in myself and in those I care for. And, so far, my heart is hanging on.